In
self,
 |
| A journal entry from May 2, 2021 |
Previously lamented being caught up feeling what the New York Times has dubbed as 'languishing'. This awareness has led me to examine my life, and to put things simply, all I ever really needed was a break. I've been working 11-16 hours a day for the last few months, barely getting any sleep. I worked as if I had an entire barangay to provide for. My body would refuse to function at times, which is very counterproductive when you're a slave to capitalism. Gladly, the addition of our new hire has helped free up some of my time.
This past week, my intuition compelled me to watch The Last Dance, a miniseries about Michael Jordan and the 90s Chicago Bulls. I won't summarize it here but my greatest takeaways were how MJ masterfully embodied both grit and flow, how he converted every negative to positive, how living in the NOW is key to success; and how his sense of self, focus, and high standards helped him overcome one mountain after the next. He locks on his target, works on it diligently, trusts the process, and does whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.
I'm way past the stage of glorifying 'idols' because at the end of the day all of us are flawed human beings with maximum capacity for thoughts and feelings, but it is his dedication and work ethic I'd want to emulate for even just a little. Even just a fraction of intensity like Mike's.
Feeling a seemingly inextinguishable blasé at 29 is a dangerous feeling. I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this. It's terrifying just thinking about it—to be a walking and breathing but empty shell until you simply cease to be. Maybe it's the pandemic blues. Maybe it's dysthymia. Or both.
I've always been a 'big picture' kind of person. To overturn this climate of disinterest, and to say that I at least tried to fight the negative current my life seems to be heading towards, I've resolved to pay even more attention to the details.
As seen in the photo, I tried to copy a local coffee shop's centerpiece to style my shelf. Did it work? I can't say I have a knack for it, but I could practice on becoming better.
These pursuits of form don't pay as much as function, but they kinda seem to make life worthwhile despite being counterintuitive to my nature. Is that what I've been missing all this time? A dash of the trivial?
Wise people have reiterated that it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than to be absolutely boring. So wish me luck.
