Chapter 24, Page 8

October 09, 2016

2016 is flying by too fast. It's funny how I feel essentially the same; yet, looking back, almost everything has changed this year alone. The year was still fresh the last time I posted something here, and now we're down to barely three more months until we start back at one (or so we believe).

The concept of time is a human construct. It is convenient, especially for the purpose of recollection, that we are able to organize our lives into days, weeks, months, or years; like the pages, chapters, and parts in books.

So here I am, currently on page 8 of the 24th chapter of my life.

This is the part where the main character experiences a huge shift in perspective. It's not yet near the pinnacle of the story but it is building up to the conflict. *gasps* This part does not make for a good action sequence, but it is crucial to her character development.

Here she is, speeding away on her broomstick:

Writing about myself in the third person is hard. Let me get back to using the narcissistic first person.

Traveling and other social activities took a back seat starting this year. Six years after becoming a full-fledged adult, I finally took a moment to step back, pause, reflect. I decided to become responsible for my life and my future head-on and not just winging it. In other words, I'm hashtag ADULT-ING.

It's not that bad. And it also doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to make the most of my slowly fading youth. In fact, I quite enjoy it. There are so many things I had to give up that I would miss every now and then, but I don't regret anything at all. I'm happy that I was and still am able to commit to my responsibilities. It's a whole new challenge, and I intend to excel at this.

Reaching my current level of maturity didn't come as easy as it sounds. At the beginning of the year, I would think that I was doing great but actually got distracted often. It was a bumpy start, but I am proud to say that I'm cruising at the moment. That's just how it is when you're trying to change, I guess. This would not obviously last forever, that's why I'm taking it all in one day at a time.

Moments of crippling self-doubt and nerve-racking anxiety are a-plenty in this journey. Having a depressive personality doesn't help either. As a way to rise up pitfall after pitfall, I turned to meditation. It's not a magic trick that would easily cast all my worries away, although it could seem that way. It takes persistence and hard work to practise mindfulness and think of nothing, too! In this age of noise and interminable distractions, managing, balancing, and filtering my thoughts and letting go of my unease take A LOT of effort and concentration. And because it is a practice, I have to do it regularly, advisably every day, regardless of the state I am inwhether happy or distressed. In a religious context, it is a lot like praying, but instead of employing words and intentions, I'm trying to do without.

This is my life now. Nothing exciting. Not at all Instagram-worthy. But I LOVE and am GRATEFUL for every second of it.

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